TriMet: Trip Planner - From Oregon City TC to Willamette Falls Hospital

Happy Mothers Day

Mike called first thing and wished me Happy Mother's Day. And Valerie gave me some flowers and wished me happy mothers day. Miles went to the hospital and then he texted me happy mother's day and said he was going to try to get into rehab again. Hopefully, he will get into some kind of sober living program after that. So, not the happiest mother's day for me.

And B. Didn't call tonight, he usually does on Sunday nite.

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Beautiful Wednesday

Its a beautiful day, but not a good one for us. Miles couldn't get the apartment in my complex because he didn't have money to put up front. They wanted $900 deposit plus $680. She was willing to $200 today to hold it but he's completely broke until next week. Mike says he has no money for gas and he's probably out of cigarettes. And he's been fighting with Kayla too and hasn't been at work all this week. I'm really worried about him. He's so depressed and i don't know how to help.

Im also depressed because Dwight didn't answer my second email. And I haven't heard from b. I'm trying to stop thinking about men. Id love to have someone love me, but God loves me, and if He wants me to have someone, He will send one to me.

I found Dwight!

Dwight was my "first love" and I haven't seen him since 1970. I found a friend of his on Facebook and asked about him. He gave me his email address  and I wrote to him and he actually wrote me back! I'm going to try to figure out how to copy his email to this blog.

 

Hello, Dwight, How are you? I found your friend Dave Henderson on Facebook and, in a momet of boldness, asked about you. You and I used to go out back in the day, and once in awhile we double-dated with Dave and his girlfriend at the time. Hope you don't mind that Dave gave me your e-mail address, and I hope you don't mind my contacting you. I've thought of you often over the years. I remember a 4th of July that we spent at Miller Park, picnicking and riding on rides and cuddling under a blanket watching the fireworks.

The world has changed a lot since then. I married and divorced after 17 years, and I never took the plunge again, lol. But I do have three children, all grown now, and 3 grandchildren. I retired from State Farm after 33 years and live in Canby, Oregon- a long way from LeRoy, Illinois, where I grew up, right? Dave says you live in Arkansas now. I still have family back in Illinois and usually visit at least once a year.

I would love to hear from you. I hope you are enjoying life. You always knew how to find happiness and make people feel good about themselves.

Love from a Blast from the Past,

Linda Poindexter

 

Then I got this response:

 

In a message dated 5/6/2013 2:29:08 P.M. Pacific Daylight Time, Dwight.Barnhill@fisglobal.com writes:

Well, what a nice surpriseJ

Yep, I was always grateful to Max for introducing us. I too think of you now and then and remember our time together with fond memories. I’m not sure why we never made it a more regular thing? Oh to be young and foolish again (well at least young).

I heard from Max last year and he still seems about the same (crazy), ha.

I moved back to Arkansas in 1970 and have been based here ever since. I have worked for a software company since 1975 that has provided lots of travel opportunities (Boston 3.5 yrs., Norway, New Zealand, Australia, England, Bangkok, Poland and 6 years in Saudi Arabia). I have been married and divorced 3 times. I only have one child but she is the best. I should be a grandpa this July. She lives just up the street from me and my mother lives here in town as well. They are the only close family I have left.

Yes, Oregon is a long way from LeRoy but I hear it is a beautiful state. The closest I have been to there is northern California. I get back to Ill. occasionally for a visit as well. Let me know the next time you plan to go and who knows, maybe we can meet?

I enjoy life every chance I get and hope you do as well. You don’t need anyone to make you feel good about yourself, you were always a special person!

Thanks for writing. Stay in touch.

Love

Dwight

 

I replied back:

Hello again! I was happy to hear from you, I was a little afraid you wouldn't remember me, it's been over 40 years since we saw each other. I always wondered why we weren't more of a "regular thing" too, I just thought I liked you more than you liked me and I must have scared you away, haha. Too bad...

Max never changes. I used to see him on facebook, but we didn't agree politically and I stopped seeing him. (I hope he didn't defriend me). Now I have to swallow my pride and admit he was right, and I was wrong. Sigh... I hate having to admit I was wrong. Although it does happen a lot, lol.

I had heard you had moved to Arkansas, but I never dreamed you had such an exciting job. The only foreign country I've ever been to is Canada--and I'm not sure that counts. Which countries did you like best? And what was it like to live in Saudi Arabia? I can't even imagine you there!

I'm glad your mother is still with you, I remember she was very nice to me. I was pretty shy back then and she made me feel comfortable. Do you remember that car you bought that broke down while we were out somewhere? You seemed so embarassed, and your dad really teased you about it. (I just now remembered that) Didn't you have a brother too? I hope he's ok. My two brothers both passed away about 10 years ago and my parents are gone too.

I do plan on visiting Illinois to see my sisters. Unfortunately, that will be in July, when you will be a new grandpa. So you probably won't be able to get away. But I would love it if you could! Congratulations, grandpa. You can't imagine the happiness of holding your grandchild. Do you know if it is a boy or girl?

Hope to hear from you soon.

Love

linda

503-347-2807

I didn't get a response from that. I hope I didn't blow it already.  

 

 

Tuesday May 7

I can't believe its been a week since I posted here. On Saturday, we had the ceremony for Terry. I'm going to try to post a couple of pictures from that day.

Miles wouldn't go but mike and Valerie and Aja and Lynzi did. The priest gave a really nice talk and we all said a little.
I said " Terry, I loved  you a long time. I'm so sorry things didn't work out and I'm sorry that you died alone. But I know that you're in peace now and you're with God."

Miles didn't go to the funeral, but I think he's been drinking since then. He didn't go to work yesterday or today and I haven't heard from him except for once yesterday when mike told him to text me.

Tuesday

1:45 PM, and I've been pretty busy. I went to women's Bible class and and to curves and I got some chicken out to thaw for dinner tonight. Something that I learned at Bible class that stood out was that I don't have to always be strong because God will be strong for me. That's something I want to remember because it does help and comfort me.

Miles went to work again today thank God and he seems better. he told me that he has blocked Kayla from calling him because it stresses him out too much. I don't blame him but I hope she doesn't start calling me and I hope that he will still be able to talk to Dylan.

Sunday April 28

Yesterday we went to talk to a priest and arranged for a private memorial for Terry for next Saturday.

Boy has today ever been BORING! and now its the time B. usually calls and I'm trying not to get depressed. I should try to forget him anyway. Its been 2 years and he hasn't sent for me. Well, he did call and we had a nice talk, mostly political, but still nice. Then Sally called and we had a nice talk. She mentioned me coming home with her in late June in her motor home. That will be fun, and hopefully I'll get to see b. s

BABY BOOMERS RULE http://babyboomersforever.blogspot.com/

Saturday

Got a great picture of Dylan today from Kayla. Also took one of Spike. I think I'll Zend it to b.

Were going to see the priest today. Hope miles will change his mind about going.

Friday

Its another beautiful day today. Miles is at work again(!) And val and I may be going to spend the weekend at their place to plan Terry's memorial service.

Last night, Bill messaged me that he would be going to Miami in July. I wrote back that I hoped we wouldnt miss the opportunity to get together when I'm in Illinois because I'll be there in late June early July. And he wrote back and said he hoped we wouldn't miss that opportunity too and he would send me the dates he would be in Miam. I really hope we can see each other but maybe for the best whatever happens.

Its 10 p.m. and I'm at miles & mikes place. We have an appointment to meet with a priest tomorrow to plan some sort of a memorial for terry but miles said he doesn't want to go. I hope he changes his mind, I think he will regret it someday.

Miles has been sneaking drinks all night.

Thursday

Today was a beautiful day. I had a nice talk with ykw (you-know-who) and I started back at Curves again. Also talked to my Al-anon sponsor and she thinks I'm making good progress with my recovery. I'm learning to let go and let God. Instead of obsessing over Miles, I'm trying to let him make his own life choices. But I pray for him every day.

Wednesday

9 a.m., another beautiful day, supposed to be in the 70s again today. I weighed myself and I'm down to 194.2. That's good news. And I finally heard from miles, he said he made it to work today. But he also said he might have to go to court today, I don't know why but that can't be good. Also I don't know what kind of welcome back he got from work. He was in trouble last week for missing work now another two days this week. Hopefully he still has a job. I told him that whatever happened do not stress about it too much because he's a good man and stronger than he thinks. And that he would get through it.

9:06 p.m. it was a pretty good day. I went to Al Anon. Shared with them I think I'm getting a little better. Told them that miles didn't go to work Monday and Tuesday and although it bothered me I didn't freak out about it like I used to. But I did go to church go to Bible class instead of staying and worrying.

When I got home, I bought a bottle of wine. The first i've bought in 2 months. I feel a bit like a hypocrite but hopefully I can just do it once a month...

So, try try again. Tomorrows another day.  Before I sign off foe the night, here's a picture of Aja, my 11-year old granddaughter and future supermodel.

Tuesday

Finished my morning devotions. Now I'm waiting to go to Bible class we have it every Tuesday morning for women. Miles stayed home from work again today I'm really worried that it's starting all over again. I'm praying for him. I may call my al-anon sponsor for some support later.

Bible class was good. We're studying a book called Beautiful Battlefields, written by a woman named Bo Stern. She is a Christian woman whose husband has ALS and she teaches how to live through battles we go through in life. Its helping me go through problems with Miles.

Valerie called Mike a little while ago and he said he doesn't think miles is drinking but he is acting dizzy. I don't know what to think he could be just covering up for his brother. But miles isn't answering his phone or texts and that's how he acts when he's drinking so I don't know what to think now.

Its 8:30 p.m. and I still haven't heard from Miles. I've been studying Step 1, "we admitted that we were powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable." Step 1 teaches that we didn't cause it, we can't control it, and we can't cure it. We have to learn to let go and let them make their choices and take the consequences. But I feel so guilty and feel constant dread about what might be happening.

I got my Bible reading and study but didn't get much else done. I'll try again tomorrow. I've got to get into the habit of exercising in the morning; otherwise I want get it done.

Park where i walked today.

I worked off about 150 calories.

Tree cutting progress

Good night

Well, my plan was to relax and not worry. And that's what I did. Watched TV and read. I did have a nice day, Judy called and we had a nice talk. And my "boyfriend" called and we has a  nice time.  I'm hoping to see him this summer. Its been two years. He even told me he loved me a few nights ago. Of course, I haven't forgotten that he sees other people.

Monday Monday

They're cutting down a tree in my front yard. I couldn't resist taking a picture. Looks like its going to be a beautiful day. I'm going to try my best to make the most of it.

9:16 a.m. watching Joyce Meyer. Her message is letting go of anger and unforgiveness. It just hurts us, not the people we're mad at.

Talked to mike about 10 a.m. he said everything's going okay but miles didn't go to work today because he felt dizzy. I've got to stop letting things like that cripple me with depression panic and anxiety. The past two hours I haven't really done anything but sit and watch TV. And now I'm going to get some work done I'm not going to let my emotions rule me. I need to work on first step of Ala-non.

I had a nice phone call from him today. (Im not saying his name, just in case someone does a search of his name finds me talking about him. The Internet makes you paranoid)

I just got back from a walk, it did make me feel a little better. I'll try to put a picture here from the park I was walking in. Well, I posted it with another post. Haven't figured out how to insert a picture in the middle of a blog.

And I did a little reading from my al-anon book about learning to detach from the disease of alcoholism.

10:25 p.m. I just finished reading a chapter of Beautiful Battlefields by Bo Stern. She said to try to journal some happy things every day to help through the bad times. It was a good day in spite of worrying about Miles. I know God has a plan for him and will help him when the time is right.

Well, time for bed. No matter what happens, I'll be ready for it.

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Another Day, Another Chance

Spring outside my front window.

Why do i have to have a title?

I'm watching the movie "Hitchcock." Its pretty good but strange - just like Hitchcock.

I weighed 198.7 this morning. Sigh...

Im back!

Its been a long time since I've posted here and my life has changed a LOT! First of all, i came back to God after 20 years of ignoring him and I'm very happy about that and maybe bexause of that, ive changed my political beliefs from Liberal Democrat to conservative. My best friend Carol passed away Christmas Eve and I really miss her. Both of my sons had problems with alcohol both of them landing in ICU the last couple of months to detox I'm still very worried about them so my anxiety problems have ramped up. I recently joined Al-anon to help me deal with this and I'm trying to take it one day at a time as they advise.

Below is a pic i took of miles yesterday when he fell asleep while visiting me on his lunch hour.